The asteroids of Uranus

The most spectacular meteor shower of the year, the Perseids, is at its peak, with up to 100 visible streaks of light racing across the night sky every hour.

These shooting stars can occur anywhere in the sky, but if you trace their paths backward they appear to radiate from the constellation Perseus in the northeast sky.

I don’t need a telescope to watch the show, but I do need to use a scope to see another astronomical oddity: the asteroids of Uranus.

Uranus is visible just east of Perseus, and for years the asteroids of Uranus have been wreaking havoc. The natural atmosphere of Uranus is toxic enough, with high winds containing unbreathable methane and sulfurous gases. When these large and lumpy asteroids impact Uranus, they flare up and burn uncontrollably, threatening to destroy Uranus as well as its cratered moons.

People have made numerous unsuccessful attempts to rectify this situation, but when I analyze the situation in hindsight, I only see one effective long-term solution to this problem.

Annihilate the asteroids of Uranus once and for all.

I offer two, non-surgical methods to destroy asteroids. One involves aiming a high-energy light beam at the asteroids, causing them to gently shrink away. The other eradicates larger asteroids by inducing them to simply drop out of orbit so they can no longer cause harm. Both take just a few seconds to do. Since they are performed in an area with no nerve endings, they can be administered right in the comfort of my office without anesthesia.

There is virtually no pain, no prep needed, there are no major restrictions, and you don’t have to take time off of work. Consultations are free of charge and our procedures are covered by insurance.

Download the original Mimi Magazine article here.